pocket taser stun gun

My sister sent me this the other day...and I thought it was hilarious!! So here is a good laugh for everyone!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. .
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5-inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy-bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION...WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jesse Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-B____, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

HAHAHA!!!

Weekend in Rifle

Last weekend we took a road trip out to visit Jeff and play with cousins. I of course took basically no pictures!

Adam was coloring with markers on the drive out and this is what I found at one of our potty breaks!

He was in heaven all weekend because he found a Ninja Turtle costume!! He LOVES Ninja Turtles!

But we did go sledding on Saturday and I have a few pics of that!

The hill was basically all ice, but they put hay bales down at the bottom to keep kids from flying into the road!!

This is a funny picture of their cousin Ethan, he's too scared to use the sleds, so he just rolls himself down the hill!

All bundled up and ready to go!!!

We had a fun weekend. It was really nice to just sit and relax and not have to worry about cleaning up the house!! (thanks for that Jen!)

Bathroom Redo!

So here is what the bathroom used to look like.

It used to have some mirror tiles above the toilet and

an 80's medicine cabinet. I didn't get a pic of the pink and blue linoleum. It also had pink and blue swishes wallpaper but I had already pulled that down when we moved in.

A big thanks to my dad who helped me put in the linoleum, baseboards and the new toilet!! Here is a funny pic of him and my mom on Thanksgiving a few years ago!! hehehe

And a thanks to Jeff who gave me a LOWES giftcard for Christmas.

And here is the new (except for the vanity) and improved bathroom. It's a little bit country but I think it's really cute!

I tried to get every angle for you.

I so far only have one little decorative towel.

And no tealights yet for my little candle holder.

If you are curious what that little door is, it is the world's smallest laundry shoot! It's about 5 inches wide and you can fit a few rags down it at a time. Which is really all it's good for because it's on the floor with the kitchen. Here's looking down onto the washer. (not the best pic)

And here's the view up. As you can see, if you're not careful, the stuff can fall behind the washer cause it's not flush against the wall!

Seriously the stupidest place ever for a laundry shoot!!

better blogger

So this year, I made a resolution to be a better blogger and blog at least every other or every 2 days. So far this hasn't happened! But I figured it's the beginning of a new week, that's a good time to start anew. Right?

My sweet little Adam is 2 1/2 today and is no longer that sweet. He has become such a stinker!That's right, this cute little ninja likes to yell, throw tantrums and toys, hit the dog when he's mad and yell NO at his mom all day long.

I just love this age.

(I hope you caught the sarcasm dripping from that last statement.) But what can ya do?! Just hope and pray he lives through it. Meaning, hope you don't end up giving him away to a stranger on the street!!

Kate's blanket is finished. Here is the front

and here is the back.

I'm a little embarrassed to show the back because you can see my horribly uneven quilting job, but remember, this was my first machine quilted quilt!

I have been working on the main floor bathroom and it should be finished today! I also painted the tv nook and made a cover for my orange velour loveseat. So be excited for those pics-they should be posted tomorrow!

To all you coloradians that read this blog, we will be there this weekend! YEEHAW!!

It's all good!

I hate that saying, but it applies to this post and my previous. I was able to pull out my old sewing machine and am almost finished with my quilt. Well, tater rose's quilt to be exact,

(this one that was planned for baby wolf-you may remember it from several posts ago).

I must say it was hard to go from my computerized sewing machine back to my old school one, but I am very glad that the old standby was still in working condition!

Sewing has been very theraputic for me lately. Maybe one of my faithful blog readers (all 2 or 3 of you) will end up with a slightly crappily sewn gift!! (i really am not the best seamstress, i just pretend to be!)

Also, my apologies to anyone worried when they just saw the "bad news" title. I didn't quite think that one through!

bad news...

my sewing machine is broken.

stupid piece of......

Christmas Day

Here is our Christmas bounty! Every year I think I haven't bought very much, but as soon as it's all laid out under the tree, it's always more than I thought!

Gotta love new Christmas jammies!

Here is Kate with her Barbie Vanity-not quite the diamond castle, but she still loves it!

Adam's favorite gift was this Batman cave/hideout. He also got the ninja turtles he wanted so badly!

Gabe's favorites were his buzz lightyear and also the skateboard he asked for!.

We had a great Christmas this year! Full of fun presents

and lots of LOVE!!